July 31, 2006 The time for change is now, the time for healing is now. The time for life is now. What time is it anyway?
I need to go into the studio and spend some time and I think I will. That is what time it is. I thought we would rehearse tonight but
Ronnie is very busy with his business and by the time he gets home it is just too late. Then again I have a pile of songs in the pot cooking and they just need seasoning and completion. Just haven't been motivated to do anything and I am not sure why. I do like playing with Kayden and walking him around and watching him take in the world in wonder. It has been a week since I have heard from Freedom. Hope it all goes well on our visit. Hope there is a little time to spend. I know how it is when you have so many things going on, it is difficult to stop and just be with loved ones. Sometimes just being is the best. Actually most times just being is the best. I watched Andie rocking Kayden in her arms while he was watching the fish tank. I had to go catch a few fish out of the puddle pond so he had something to watch. Snuggle times are priceless and neither of us let one pass by. Snuggle times don't come nearly often enough.
July 30, 2006
We had a torrential downpour today. It looked like the porch had been tucked under a waterfall. I took Kayden outside to see it. He was a bit testy since he wasn't quite done with lunch and he loves his food. He was fascinated by the rain once we got outside. We talk under the umbrella to get his red wagon out of the rain. It was great. I have come to love the rain here in Washington. I got a couple of great shots of Kayden today while we were watching George of the Jungle II. What a fine bit of cinema that is. Andie got these great pop up tents. There are tunnels and they all attach to each other. I put up two and he crawled in and out of them over and over. It has been a laid back and enjoyable Sunday. I took a drive over to Mike Daily's Studio 04 to give Mike a lesson on Dreamweaver. Now it is a little after 6PM and I feel like I just want to go to sleep and rest. C'est la vie. What matters most is the love of your family. Be thankful for and embrace the lives and souls of your ancestors. They are all a part of who we are today. Love and respect for the world begins within our own tribes.
July 26, 2006 You always have a choice to emotional responses in life
Last night as the evening approached and I got a call from Freedom and received the pictures of he and Cheyanna I thought of this circle of life. Round and round it goes. We are all on a journey to truth and wholeness. Each experience is a part of our path and a chance to learn if we so choose. Andie and I both had tears flowing as we looked at this precious spiritual moment of a father and daughter. There is a line straight to the purest part of your heart when you hold your child in your arms. I still have that sacred memory for every chance I have had to experience that with each of my children. It is the happiest of happy places where God dwells. Before time, before the cares of the world or the wounds of the heart God gave this miracle of miracles. It is a miracle Cheyanna is hear. Ask the doctors. So thank you God for your kind heart and this gift of life, for Cheyanna, Sariah and Kayden. Thank you for life and the chance to live it.
Freedom called tonight and sent the pictures you can see if you click on the picture. What a little cherub. We are excited to go and see Natalie, Freedom and Cheyanna next month. We are going to get to see Sierra, Christina and Josh too. Andie spent hours making the arrangements. Christina is stoked to show us all the reasons we should move to Ojai. We are excited to see the family and our new grandbabies. Yea. I look at the love on Freedom's face and think of what his brother Josh said to him. "You never knew you could love someone so much until you are a papa and you hold your baby girl in your arms the first time." Kate said that Freedom told her that now he knows the reason he stayed on the planet. What a powerful force are these little ones, big and small. The richest blessing we are giving in life.
July 23,2006 The growth on an individual in this lifetime is measured in the amount of their sacrifice and service to others.
This morning Andie said I forgot to tell you the Cheyenna looks like Sarah Maria. Her hair is dark brown but turning blonde. That is it for me, I got the look from Andie for being on my laptop first thing in the morning. I am off to the county dump. Lucky me. I am still lost in thoughts of yesterdays workshop and filled with a sense of gratitude.
July 22,2006 I spent the day in Bellingham with Sarah at a workshop for healing that was facilitated by Lisa Iversen Family Constellations. It was an amazing experience that taught the similar pains we all carry from our ancestral consciousness and our family experiences. The workshop demonstrated the huge degree of trust and commitment to honesty and healing that everyone brought with them. To sit in the midst of more than a dozen strangers and share in their family constellation, their interaction with family members that are represented by workshop participants. The power of the experience could be seen in the accuracy of the roles each person played. Played however is not the word because it really was if the family members themselves were really there. We laughed some and cried a lot and all left knowing we had began one wave of the healing of all our families. Like a ripple on a lake where a stone has been thrown our efforts will radiate and facilitate the next wave of healing. We are after all a part of one large tribe. I am so thankful to Sarah for having the courage to do this work and letting me be a part of it as well.
Freedom called Andie to say Cheyenna is healing, Natalie is healing and they will all be heading home from the hospital on Monday. Thanks for the prayers and love that was sent their way. It is good.
9:30 tonight Freedom called to say Sierra is doing great. The doctors are amazed at how fast she is healing. Freedom took Natalie to the hospital and while we were talking on the phone Natalie was breast feeding the little one. She may be able to go home by Monday and with no after affects. Someone asked me today, is she going to be retarded. In James Taylor's words, What are you going to do with folks like that? She is going to be fine and thank you God and thank all of you who are sending out your love and prayers. Bless you with peace and the wonder of now.
At 3PM on July 21, 2006 Freedom and Natalie's baby girl is going into surgery to have some fluid drained from her
head. There is not enough space for her magnificent brain so they are going to make a little more room. God's favor. Please add your prayers to those of our family and friends as we lift the family up. Freedom sounded strong and full of Spirit and love for his little girl. I asked if he wanted me to fly down but he said no that he is handling it. It must be very hard for Natalie as she is in a completely different hospital. Lord have mercy. I told someone what was happening to our grand daughter and they asked how old she is. A couple of days I said. Every thing works together for good in the long run. Send the love and positive feelings from the heart for this new little arrival to the planet.
July 21, 2006 Your children need your presence more than your presents.
We still haven't heard from Freedom to see how the test results went. Just a word would be such a relief. Josh and Christina
even called last night trying to find out any news. Sarah and I are going to the Family Constellations Workshop tomorrow and we will see how it turns out. I can't seem to get any writing done today so I will leave it until later. I had a nice chat with Kate today and she has not heard from Freedom either. It was a good conversation because she said she doesn't hate me. That is always refreshing to hear. I have been talking a great deal about God's favor and there is yet another example. I have this picture of a huge heavenly wear house full of blessings and the Forman of the angels saying, "Get ready gang I think this one is waking up. Get ready to start shipping blessings! Orders are pouring in and he looks ready to accept, his whole family does. "
July 20, 2006 True forgiveness means giving debts you are owed to the Lord, freeing others so you can be free. Joel Osteen
I am still smiling at the phone calls I got yesterday. Chani saying you need to put some songs on your MySpace. Me saying don't have a site there and she saying you do and you have two friends, Josh and me. I knew it was Josh and when I looked at what he had down I was so pleased. I love his site too. Freedom called said Papa I am a Papa now too. Chani also told me she really misses Josh and wishes he was closer. I would appreciate any prayers on Sierra's behalf as she is being checked out today by a neuro surgeon to see how she is doing with the challenges she has faced from the beginning of her little life. God's favor.
We are planning a short marathon trip to Arizona and California to see our extended family. I am looking forward to that. I hope we get to at least poke our heads into Doug and Carrie's house and say hi to them as well. It was a full day yesterday. Andie said she might not go to Bellingham with Sarah and I on Saturday since it is supposed to be in the 90's. We will see. It would be nice to visit Tinzin and Clarity. We will see what happens.
July 19, 2006
We have a new grand daughter today! We got a call from Freedom tonight and he said Natalie had a C-section after a very hard effort of trying to deliver their little girl. Now she is here. They are staying in the hospital and they have to run more tests on the baby. We are praying that they will all be able to go home soon and that their won't be any more time in the hospital than is absolutely necessary. I have been rolling through the days asking for and acknowledging God's favor. I mean what do we want for our kids, for our friends, the very best now. So much has happened in just a few days that it just reminds me how true it is. Get out of the way ( with your inner negative thoughts) and let the good unfold. I am going to two workshops with Sarah, Freedom had his baby, Chani is happy with her work and self and wrote a song that says so, Josh put me up on MySpace and called me tonight just to talk. I think Liz is realizing that I love her more than she can imagine. Kayden is walking around barefooted and full of joy, not too happy about bedtime tonight though. Andie fed me a dinner fit for any king and I can hardly move now. I am going to call it a night. Andie said these are days to remember because we have plenty of the other kind.
July 17, 2006 You do your part and God will do his part. Joel Osteen
I was reading in Joel Osteen's book Your Best Life Now about God's favor and how He wants to bless us but our negative thinking keeps us from all that He has in store for us. I started to feel good even though I have been really really low for a long time. I don't have to keep going through all this emotional pain as punishment for all my mistakes. Some one else already paid. Rejoice and take the blessings offered through faith in Jesus and let God bless this family near and far with all He has for us. He wants me to use my musical talents. I know that and I have his favor. I just forgot for a very long time. I was driving back from Seattle today when my cell rang and it was my friend of over 20 years, Michael Gardner . He said he just had a feeling he should call me. We talked for a very long time and he talked about his faith in Jesus and told two stories of miracles that happened in his young life and told me how those experiences changed him forever. Even now he has called out to the Lord and turned it over and he has been truly blessed. It is true we could move mountains with a tiny grain o faith. Let it roll Lord. I am ready.
July 16, 2006
Kayden got a brief ride on a four wheeler with his great grandpa Noel yesterday. We went down to Tim Buck Too to see the launching of the Logo G. That is the name of the boat that Noel and his friend built. It is a Purse seine built to scale but about 5' long. It was an impressive event with lots of Andie's family there at the lake. We had a nice evening the night before and visited, ate a turkey dinner and drank some cocktails. Kayden had a rough time sleeping so we were all pooped today. Liz was up all night sick so we scooted home to take care of her. Now it is Sunday evening, for those of you who check regularly thank you. I am leaving my laptop for the girls because I killed our PC and have not been able to get it fixed as of yet. Soon I hope and maybe I can catch up on writing poems and keeping up on the journal. I have not been having shows so my energy to write falls off as well. It will change. I know it. I see it. Better days are coming.
July 11, 2006
Kayden turned 13 months old yesterday and he was running the show pretty good at bedtime. We are still going around about him crying in the bed. I held him for an hour and a half and he was wound like a top. Then he started to fuss and I put him to bed and he was asleep in a couple of minute. He didn't even have the energy left to start crying. Thank you God. I hate that.
Ronnie and Jimmy and I are rehearsing for a show next month. I am looking forward to the harmonies and learning some new tunes.
I recalled an old Jackson Brown song this morning: Something Fine. Funny I haven't thought of that song in over a decade but I want to dredge it up and dry it off and put out in the sun. We are anxiously awaiting word from Freedom and Natalie to see if the baby has arrived. We are sitting on our hands not wanting to bug them in the midst of contractions and stuff. It should be soon. All these babies. Life goes on.
July 10, 2006 Life is like a bicycle: you don't fall off unless you stop pedaling
New day, new week, new possibilities. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Those are words of hope and comfort. Sometimes just a change of attitude can make all the difference. I have been really frustrated by someone else's attitude and behavior and had forgotten that old saying from the south: that's just their way. Expecting someone else to act differently is a kin to repeating the same behavior and expecting a different out come. We can only change ourselves. Hoping for acceptance and approval from those who withhold is a major form of giving your power away. Kindness to our own hearts and souls and minds spills over into kindness to those around us. This is my little Monday morning self coaching session as I sip my coffee and reflect on the week ahead. I see the sea of gray outside my window and think to myself that I am ready for rain. Bring it on. Clean the air. Drown the pollen.
Andie, Faith, Liz, Kayden and I watched Eight Below, a Disney movie about Antarctic and the bond between sled dogs and their owner. It was a tale of dedication and survival in the icy wastelands. It was really good. We are making a tradition of a meal and movie with Faith on Sunday afternoon or evening. It is a nice finish to the weekend. Later in the evening we watched another snow bound movie about a man who crashes in the Alaska wilderness with an Alaska Native woman who befriends him and saves his life. We both had restless dreams of battling the outback land and elements of the frozen tundra. There was something about that movie and the native woman who played in it that really stirred something. Probably the roots from which Kayden springs in that North land, that and all the survival skills the woman possessed. We are probably headed into a time when such skills will prove very handy. Whatever the case we are both going to drag a bit today as a result of restless dreams. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.
July 9, 2006
The Fly In was fun but I had allergies really bad and they really spaced me out. It is odd because I have not had them for years. Anyway the Jimmy Wright Band was hot. Ronnie, Dale and John were hot. Every one played great. It was a good time for all. Kayden was dancing in front of the stage. Tonight he tried to ride his basketball and slammed face first into the floor he had a bloody nose and lip. It is my fault I am afraid because I ride him like that on the Gym ball. I roll him around and he laughs but I have a tight grip on his ankles. I think he thought he could do it himself. Oops. Liz, Andie and I were hovering around him. He is not short on love. He is okay. I think we were more traumatized. Once again we blinked and the weekend is done.
July 8, 2006 If still hungry lick the bowl. Kayden
Keep on pushing, pushing, pushing. Days are like weather 4 or more seasons in one sometimes. We are off to the Arlington Airport for the air show and our show. Playing music while planes dance in the sky and land within feet of us. It will be fun. Jimmy and I were talking today and saying I guess we will be a trio for part of the time and then the next thing you know we are a big band. I am looking forward to the sunshine and I am thinking I need a little time to myself one of these days. Maybe I just need an off switch for my brain. I think I am going to change what I have been working on during my days. It is too difficult to work with the person I am working. It is funny but in my life I have encountered a lot of people who have wanted me to pay for some one else's abuse. Of course I just chalk it up to Karma and a way of working off or paying for some of my own mistakes. I really do think God has a good or maybe twisted sense of humor. Didn't see that coming. That is something I have said more than a time or two.
Excuse me. I have to lick my bowl now, I am still hungry
July 7, 2006 Never get in a spraying contest with a skunk.
I read this morning that a man who has a beautiful soul always has some beautiful things to say but a man who says beautiful things does not necessarily have a beautiful soul. That Confucius, he had it going on, didn't he? Andie said I say some really stupid things sometimes. I wonder what that means? Hey I don't like where that is headed. The sky is beautiful this morning with those big fluffy pillow clouds strung out in long neat rows and back light by the sun. There is no wind and it is quiet. I like it a lot. For now it is mush, mush and off to the salt mines.
I love the picture of Kayden and the bowl. He loves to eat. Last night I sat down to dinner and looked at a piece of steak the size of charcoal briquette. I said times are hard. Andie said it was a nice steak Kayden ate the rest. I see my waste line recede over the near and distant future. Every thing tastes better off Papa's plate.
July 6, 2006
I am meeting all these new people who are really hard working and interesting but I feel a bit like I landed here from Mars.
Being originally from the South and living for 6 years in Europe and a year in Asia I have an open perspective to new people and things. I am however wading into waters that don't fit the convolutions of my brain. I can feel a stretch and a sense that I may survive. I may. I may not. It is interesting because the stress levels I am encountering and dealing with the legacy of someone who appeared to be larger than life but was more like the Wizard of Oz is bruising my ego. Maybe my ego needs bruising. Maybe it is my interpretation of what is happening that is hard and not the situation. This time and trial has really stirred up memories of Viet Nam. I guess that is good and bad. On the one hand I feel like "Hey, I fought a war. I don't have to take any crap from you." On the other I think, "No one is shooting at me. I am not sleeping with snakes and bugs. It really isn't difficult at all." I am a fixer. I want to fix things. Root cause, solution is a great formula but if you aren't digging in the dirt you won't find the root. Looking at the things that went wrong without going all the way back to the bottom of where things started to go wrong, making note of what went right and then making genuine repairs, detours, rebuilds or whatever it takes, that is a solution. I love solutions. Life throws us all curve balls. When possible, change pitchers. When not possible learn to knock that curve ball out of the park.
July 4, 2006
The big boom day is over. There were spectacular fireworks on the TV. Our neighbors went wild too. I am not big on the fourth due the sounds that are so reminiscent of Viet Nam. I run all the logic through my head about celebration and fun but somewhere down in the jungles of my mind it transports me to another place and time where I learned life can be a harsh reality and death was a daily dancer. It all scared the hell out of our neighbors dog too. He came charging into our house and wouldn't leave. We saw where a few people's homes burned down because of idiots with bottle rockets so I was up on the rough at 10pm last night soaking it down against the nutcases nearby. We survived in tact. Yea! We spent a lot of time out in the yard yesterday. Faith was with us for two days and it was nice. We all watched Failure to Launch yesterday and had some good laughs. Andie and I both fell over at the end of the day. We were so tired. I spent a good part of the day working on mixing Dawn Williams Demo CD. I traded out my sound card for an old version, the new one was Rob's, so I crashed the computer about 15 times. I don't want to spend any more money on gear but I may have to get that card. Arrrggghh. Oh well. It is a new day and typical of our fair state, gray and overcast.
Here we go into the rest of the week. May it be a good one.
July 1, 2006
The last minute of the day is slipping past. Pollen fills the air and my eyes and my nose and my throat. It is not my favorite. We had a pleasant evening with Tani and Rob and company today. We ate lots of good food and I got to play a tune or two with Rob and Mish. Rob is preparing to go on the road and trying to wrap up David and Flow Motion's projects. Busy guy. Kayden took several steps over at the party. I just spent 2 hours singing to him to get him to go to sleep but he would not give it up. At midnight I said I guess crying is what is left and so he is. I have to sit in the studio and have a few moments before I can go to bed. Andie went to bed too hours ago and said "He needs to go to sleep. Let him cry." He does need to sleep and I hope he does eventually. So ends the first of July. What is next? I wonder if there is a bridge nearby.
Really it was truly a beautiful day. The sun was hot and the sky was clear, a great time for a lawn chair and a cold beer. It was good. Tani and Rob have a huge space behind their house that runs all the way to lush forest. Lots of the people who came to the party were camping out. I couldn't breath or we might have stayed longer. It is getting crisp and brown here. It is funny how fast every thing dries out in a few days without the rain for which we are famous. I love the rain. I never thought I would say that when I first came to the Northwest but I really do. I really do.
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