Greg Murat (mur-rah)
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Journal May 2010
May 16, 2010
Not much to say, these days are mostly spent in introspection and contemplation of this life so far. There are many changes coming. Some say the end of everything we know. It is time for a change. Those who survive the natural upheaval will be the ones who have peace within themselves and with God according to Andie. She spends most of her free hours immersed in reading about all these things so she is preparing. I don't get the feeling I will be around myself. Life is so precious and goes by so fast. The closer to the end the faster the passage of time. Still I love learning new things and although I will stay stuck in the same spot if allowed, I feel the universal kick in the pants coming to get me going to new things. Change. Mistakes. Waves come rolling in hard and fast. They can lift us up or sweep us away. Today I feel tired. Tired of trying. Tired of silence. It is a feeling like being alone in a crowd. Purpose helps. I need more of that and I am waiting and watching for the next wave and waxing up my board. I am ready for a new ride.
May 8th, 2010 5am Happy Birthday Papa Joseph May it be the best!
Up and awake again. Someone asked me if I had a black eye and then awkwardly realized it was the light on the bags under my eyes. Funny thing about older people, years of not enough sleep forms those bags pretty much permanently. It is a sign of character I tell myself. I am a character all right.
As time passes what matters shifts. Growing always matters. Learning always matters. The need for change matters. New places, faces and ideas matter. Breathing always matters and even more than we often think. I am finding that the phrase from scuba diving you use when you are in trouble applies to life in general; Stop. Think and breath. It is a fairly recent exercise in stress reduction but I am applying it more and more each day. When someone is extremely late for an appointment and is consistently so, I take a deep breath, exhale and repeat. I breath in peace and exhale frustration. I am working on acceptance and wanting to release the tendency to want people to be different than they are. It is almost subconscious desire for people to be more of what my ideal of how they should be than how they are. If in my opinion, someone is flaky and chaotic, they will be that way forever or until they decide to change. Most likely forever. The control I do have is whether or not I choose to be around them or involved with them. Jesus had a good point when he pointed out that we should clean our own house, make changes and fix ourselves before we try to fix or change someone else. Just be and feel love. The question a person has to ask is do I want to deal with this anymore? Do I want to feel this anymore? That applies both to the person you are dealing with and your reaction to them. It is a good question. Change your attitude and change your life. I am having a little verbal sword fight with myself this morning.
Had a little get together at Mike Daily's last night. Ron Llinas, Mike Daily, me and Jimmy Culler. Mike really made space and cleaned up the studio so we could fill it with guitars and foot pedals. He even took down his drums to make space for John Matthews but John wasn't feeling well and didn't make it. Mike's studio is great and a welcome retreat from the day to day. It was good to get together with my friends though we didn't really quite get the magic going. I feel like we never really quite fully connected as a group. It takes a while and we were getting closer by the time it was time to call it a night. Could just be me, but when I looked around I didn't see a lot of joy. I think we just started so damn late my energy was spent before we started to play. I could only find one ear plug. Foot note: put the box of ear plugs in my gear bag. My ears are getting very sensitive. Brought over my new Mexican Stratocaster and played it a little bit while waiting for everyone to arrive. It is a nice guitar and I look forward to practicing on it and developing some chops. I enjoyed playing Bob Marley's Wait in Vain and David Barnes's LA Song the best. Harmonies make me smile. So as Neil Young once said we started out slow and then petered out all together. A lot of change in the works. What will they be?
I am hoping to squeeze a few minutes to crank up the studio and see if I can get the midi talking. That would be sweet. It is Papa and Kayden day so it is way down the line, but the waiting feel is fine.
May 1, 2010
A new month begins today and I sit with the aquarium, it's water a bit low, gurgles like a stream. Our two goldfish, Tito and Eddie, swim about lazily. Natalie, our tabby, just slowly walked across the room after deciding the heater by the kitchen might better suit this time of morning. She has a cubby under the shelves in the laundry room where she likes to disappear. I am amazed that at 7am Kayden is still sleeping. I love playing my guitar at this time of morning and earlier but our Dove, Lucy Lieu, cannot listen quietly but has to join in singing at a substantially high volume. She coo's in bursts of eight, always eight. I have no idea why eight. She needs no amplification. I am sure the neighbors can hear it as well. However if I sit very still and hold my breath for long intervals I can type a bit.
I am still working on a new song called Live and trying to finish the rewrite of Something's Gotta Happen. It is finding long enough periods alone to work that is most challenging. So I grab a moment here and a moment there and hang on to the feeling and the concept and sing a lot inside my head. Of course, like any artist, I go in part to a different space when creating. This makes one a bit inaccessible and also lends to singing out loud while walking down the isles of Trader Joe's in order to try out a new melody or lyric. I was granted a vast memory for lyrics or I would never finish or remember anything I have written.
Sometimes, perhaps from decades of singing in smoke filled bar rooms, I have long coughing episode first thing in the morning. Unfortunately for Andie and Kayden, Lucy finds my coughing musical as well and begins her blurts of eight. Sometimes she responds to a stern "shush" and sometimes she finds that sound musical as well.
I painted the studio some crazy wine color and now I find it less than comforting and know I need to paint again or be one with it. I told Andie and Kayden. Kayden said "No Papa! It's red, your favorite color." Now that he is awake I will set about other business. It is time to enjoy this pearl gray day.
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Greg Murat (mur-rah)