Greg Murat (mur-rah)  
  Singer-Songwriter  Guitarist  

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Journa;  January 2006

Kayden at the beach with cool hat

January 28, 2006                
Never ask directions from a two headed tourist. Big Bird
 We looked out this morning to find a lake in the yard up to and covering the first step of our porch. I am thinking we will most likely be staying here a bit longer as it may be touch to sell the property. Then again perhaps we could get more for it at the moment since it is waterfront property. Or maybe the Marine Society would be interested in it as a fish sanctuary. We are grateful for what we have and have come to learn that life is ups and downs. We need to have gratitude in the good times and patience with the bad. It is all a part of the circle of life. Speaking of circle of life we are praying and rooting for our friends Jason and Blu and hoping to get good news soon. Kayden has finally given it up to sleep a bit for his morning nap. Andie is off to the doctor for her wrists. We are a mess around here but we are doing the best we can. The quote today was from Sesame Street. Be careful of whose directions you follow in life.

January 28, 2006
  Andie's Birthday is coming up in a few days and I am not sure what to do. Andie truly has the kindest heart of about anyone I have met. She just naturally cares for people and gets a great deal of joy out of giving. That may be the secret of life. She knows it well. She loves Kayden so much I fear she will just pop. She is a great mom.
  I am so used to playing every single weekend that now it is hard to adjust to being free to do things. I mean in as much as you can do things when you have a baby. When I was watching The Jimmy Wright Band play on Friday night and seeing Rosy and April dance I was thinking how quickly things went from an almost empty nest to brand new family. Life is full of surprises. That surprise is one that really calls upon the MacGougan saying about the happy and sad in every thing and every moment. The joy is indescribable so who cares about the rest.
  I haven't heard from Chani since she, her three kidney stones and Chris left for their road trip. She is a brave soul. The whole experience of taking her to the doctor is another good example of focus. Three out of four experiences were full of compassion, kindness and swiftness. We did those 3 together, the Doctor, the imaging, and the return to the doctor. Everyone was so nice and caring. We went with the help of my doctor's receptionist, Laurie, to a urologist, got an MRI, had it read and saw the doctor again in about an hour and a half. It was amazing. The last experience Chani did on her own and it was the ugly one starring Tim McCrea, the manager of Safeway Pharmacy in Lynnwood. He was exceptionally rude, dishonest and discriminatory towards Chani. I don't think that his behavior is in line with Safeway policy. We will see. The fact is that one mutant human could easily overshadow the goodness of several other professionals and evolved humans. Focus. Crisis is not fun. I prefer calm. So in short, after three very good experiences and one unfortunate one, Chani was ready to go on her trip with some good counsel, some medicine and her own determination to go. May that stone pass quickly and maybe find its way to Tim. May it bring with it lots of friends who like to travel really slowly.
  We are looking for a home every night. We even went to a manufactured lot up in Smoky Point and checked them out. It is interesting that Allyson has really followed up on trying to find something for us. We have gotten two phone calls, been e-mailed floor plans and mailed some information. We are still wondering about pre-qualification questions that we asked someone else. It looks like we will be biding our time until spring while we really search what is out there in the meantime.
  Finally our friends Tenzin and Mish have a new website and an idea for creating communities that are different from the regular systems we are used to seeing. Earth Restoration There ideas for gaining funding for efforts to do our part to save the planet are exciting and simple. Check it out.

January 27, 2004  Why are you not happy? It's because 99 percent of everything you do, think and say, is for yourself. We Wei Wu
  I had the best day at physical therapy yesterday. I learned several things about working on the computer, driving and playing guitar that will prove invaluable over time because they all protect the lower back. That is not my favorite part of the body. Anyhow, sit forward on your chair (totally opposite of what I was told in the past) and tuck one foot back with your knee bent like a sprinter and place the other foot in front. You support some of your weight with the ball of your foot and also with the foot that is flat on the floor in front of you. I am trying it and my back hurts so I must need another lesson. You are also supposed to try and pull your belly button back towards your spine. Good luck.
   Chani left to visit her mom last night and called with a condition that sounds very much like kidney stones. I am hoping it will pass. She has been working long and hard this last month to go on a road trip with Chris. But body crisis does not wait or care what your plans are. Just like accidents they happen when they happen. It is a good idea to ask for protection and health each day while giving thanks at the end of it for having made it through another day alive and blessed.
   We met Liz's boyfriend Jesse last night. He seems like a nice fellow: into sports and working out and taking care of himself. Erik stopped by to record a song or two so I didn't get to visit and the studio was in malfunction mode so we didn't get much of anything done. That's it. The back is on fire. I am out of here.
  

 

January 26, 2006
Happiness doesn't depend on what we have, but it does depend on how we feel toward what we have.
We can be happy with little and miserable with much. William Dempster Hoard

Reacting and acting have quite different effects and I am so familiar with both. There are always two sides to every story and coin. I think a person can change and make a difference in their life. We can only change ourselves and that is one heck of a struggle. Everyone has to see the need to change and act on it for themselves. Like the song says make peace with yourself. One day at a time, sometimes one breathe at a time. It is good to know you are not alone. Keep the faith and walk through the fire. Appreciate what you have. I type this with one hand while my little boy sees how far the skin on my cheeks will stretch and if my hair is attached securely to my head.

January 25, 2006
   Chani is getting ready to head out on her next adventure with Chris driving around the country between here and Montana. She is focused and cleaning us out of camping supplies. I hope we don't have a power outage or earth event while she is gone as we will be out of luck. Liz is chaffing at the bit to move out and be on her own. I hope she can make it to the end of the school year but we will have to see. The younger you are the more desperate you are to have the things you want right now. Right now. Such is life. So many phases so little time. We swing on this pendulum ourselves somewhere between selling our place, clearing and building, moving somewhere not too far away, moving to Gig Harbor, Bellingham or some other state altogether. And we want it right now.

January 24, 2006
  What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated ideas we have of the happiness of others.
  It is a gloriously beautiful Washington morning. I had a rough go last night and couldn't sleep so when I finally slept I couldn't wake up. Now most of the morning is gone and I am looking at the sun streaming in the front window. Missy found a spot on the rug where she can lie in the sunshine. Kayden is sleeping and Andrea and Chani have gone to Costco. The fish tank filter sounds like a babbling brook and I am trying to come out of the fog. We have people helping to prepare us to sell the property. Where do we go is the question? Where will work take me? What schools are best for Kayden. We looked at houses near Josh and Christina and a tiny cottage starts at half a million dollars. Sedona is not much better for price and neither is Clearwater Beach. So we got an Internet dose of reality just looking. We are checking some things out in Poulsbo but prices are outrageous there as well. It is starting to look like Bothell or Arlington are possibilities though. Whatever the case more sunshine would surely be nice, surely be nice. And look outside. There it is.
   Our friend Randy Fickel has been bouncing some e-mails our way and it is good to have contact and chat about life. Friends are some of the best treasures that truly make life a rich experience. And we know when we walk in the valley of shadows we are not alone.

January 23, 2006   
Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward with the life that God intended for you.
Og Mandino
We talked to Christina and Josh today. Christina called to say we could visit them any time. We were set to go at the end of the month so we could see if it is somewhere we might like to move. It sounds beautiful. We ask ourselves what would we do for a living there? All the more reason to make a trip and check it out. They both sounded great. Josh was stoked about the Seahawks going to the Super Bowl.
   Thanks for the quote Dale. Thanks for the note Skye-Anna. My Guestbook is goofy and the entry just disappeared. Maybe that happens to a lot of entries. I wonder. I have a bunch of calls to make and things to fax today that have to due with my time off. Oh the joy of it all. Kayden is a busy boy this morning. Andie has been playing with him, has fed him and now he is working on his sitting up skills. He played the congas for a few minutes and then the djimbe. He signed for his bottle this morning and signed for more food at breakfast. I can't imagine what it would be like for him if he didn't understand a few signs. It seems to relieve his frustration. From the sounds in the living room I would say he is either working out or working something out of him. Better go. Count your blessings and you will find a reason to smile.

January 22, 2006   The Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl!
I want to share the thoughts of my friend Casey Garland from an e-mail he sent me. We are slowly working on a CD for him of the wonderful music he has written from his experience as a river rafting guide for some twenty years.
 Where is the magic? In the music, in our hearts, in our heads, somewhere inside and somewhere out there.
Here's another perspective I'd like to share:
  Our minds can be wonderful, but at the same time they can be our very worst enemy. They give us so much trouble. Sometimes I wish the mind were like a set of dentures, which we could take out and leave on our bedside table overnight. At least we would get a break from its tiring and tiresome escapades.
   We are so at the mercy of our minds that even when we find that the spiritual teachings strike a chord inside us, and move us more than anything we have ever experienced, still we hold back, because of some deep-seated and inexplicable suspicion.
Somewhere along the line, though, we have to stop mistrusting. We have to let go of the suspicion and doubt, which are supposed to protect us but never work, and only end up hurting us even more than what they are supposed to defend us from. Casey Garland
    Right on Casey.
We spent the afternoon and evening with Kathy and Dale at a Seahawks party watching the game, well, Andie and I were mostly watching Kayden, but we caught the game and a whole lot of food at the same time. Baby is sleeping now. Chani is e-mailing friends from the living room and Andie and I are ready to call it a day. Baby has been waking up at 4 or 5 am every morning. I can't wake up with this medication but Andie does. God bless her. It was a fun day with our friends and Kayden did great especially considering his sensitivity to loud noises. With dogs barking, people yelling at the TV and blenders whirring, he did fantastic. He only cried once or twice because of the new surroundings. It was good to spend time with our friends. I had a few hours with Mike Daily at his studio this morning listening and talking and watching him work. He is the race winner, steady, steady with that natural philosophy that Tony Robbins calls CANI: constant and never-ending improvement.

January 21, 2006    Be what you seem to be, and seem to be what you really are. Sarah Ban Breathnach
Some of us feel a constant craving for something more in our lives. I was reading little excerpts from one of Andie's books and it was addressing fulfilling that craving by over coming fears like not being good enough, and a host of other "not being" thoughts. There was another reference to finding fulfilling work. What a concept. Liz just said "You need to find something you enjoy doing so you don't wake up saying oh God I have to go to work." The French have a saying "Don't do what you love, love what you do.?" What ever. Again look for the happy thought. I love playing and singing. I really enjoy recording people. I love to write. I love to help people; with their computers, with anything really. Andie and I both find helping to be very fulfilling. We are incorporating that into our search for something we can do from home together. We are meeting with some people today to put our house up on the market for sale. That will certainly free us up for anything and everything. The truth is the truth. Stick to it and you won't have to remember what you said yesterday or the day before because the truth will still be the same.



January 20, 2006       There are glimpses of heaven to us in every act, or thought, or word, that raises us above ourselves. Arthur P. Stanley
  I heard from Maria and her grandson has gone to live with his father. Maria and her husband had been mom and dad to Dakota for a good part of his little life. Maria is happy that he is nearby and they can visit often. Andie talked to Christina and she and Josh and Saria are loving California. Their room has a door that opens out on the pool. Josh can run around barefoot all the time like he likes. Christina started school this week. We wish we could go down there to see them some time soon.
    It is a cool gray morning here in Washington. Chani is putting grommet's in vinyl prints of her paintings and I am tapping at these keys before doing my physical therapy. I need to make some phone calls regarding PT and doctor's appointments also.
Thanks for the quote Dale. I feel extra tired today for some reason. I need a little glimpse of heaven. Home again on a Friday night and it seems strange but nice, it is that saying there is something to be sad or happy about in every moment. Pass the happy please.
I talked to Dee and Hans about their recording session at Silent T Studios and she said she didn't like the recording. It took a while to realize she did not like feel and sound of her performance. She needs to be recorded live in a club where she shines. I know a guy who could make that happen.
  John Matthews called from Mexico and told me he got together with Manolito. He said Dale is as dark as a coconut and totally in his element. He heads out to the clubs at night with his flute and goes in and plays his butt off like he does so well. We talked about all going down together next year or the year after. That would be good; making music in Mexico.

January 19, 2006    If my heart can become pure and simple like that of a child, I think there can be no greater happiness than this. Kitaro Nishida
  This month has been won with changes at every turn. I just noticed I used the word won when I had meant to use the word one. I like won better. It is funny how that changes what I was just thinking. It must be that Scott MacGougan influence again. It is my sister Deborah's birthday today. Happy birthday and peace in your heart. Our third grand child is on the way with Freedom and Natalie. We are as Dandelion fairies blown about the planet. Arizona, California, Alaska, and on we go. We all have traveler's hearts. It is good to have Chani here. She is tattooing like crazy. I am really proud of her. Josh, Christina and Saria left for California on the 9th and we haven't heard from them since. I assume they are busy with life, school and parenting. I need to check on Sarah Maria and see how she is.
  I am going to physical therapy for my back and have to make an appointment with a specialist; I have three discs that are bulging. Fun stuff. The happy part of that is I have to slow down and think about every thing and stay home until it gets better. Meanwhile Kayden grows and grows and Andie glows whenever she is with him. You can almost see the love floating on the air around them as she sits on the sofa holding him. This morning I put some little shoes on his feet for the first time. He was pretty excited about that. When Andie was feeding him he was clicking his heels together. He wants to walk now at 7 months of age. Lord help us when he gets going.
  I have no gigs and no more weekends of playing for the first time in years. It seems strange. I am hoping for a change in a whole new direction. Bring it on.


    January 16, 2006               Martin Luther King Day "Love is the only force that can turn an enemy into a friend.
The week has flown by with medication, doctor's appointments, physical therapy and finally a brief visit to the MacGougan's household on the weekend. Cafe de Paris was canceled with no notice. It seems that Firmin, the owner says his rent was raised $800 a month so no more music. I am glad really. It opens new opportunities for me. We are blessed with so many amazing friends and they really make us rich in life. It does not take a great deal to make Andie and I happy. Scott MacGougan told me while we were riding in his car " I am going to tell you what I told my kids about a thousand times. In every moment you can find a reason to be sad and a reason to be happy. You get to chose which one you focus on. Do you want to be happy or do you want to be sad? You can focus on having a job where you aren't respected and treated in a way you deserve and have earned or you can focus on having a lovely wife who loves you and will stand by you no matter what. You get to chose. " I said "Gee Scott if you had told my this about 20 years ago I wouldn't have had to be so Eeroe-ish all these years. We truly had a wonderful time relaxing and talking and watching movies and eating vast quantities of food. I did not bring my laptop because it was Scott and Debbie's anniversary and I didn't want him working on my resume. He had me go on line and retrieve it from an e-mail I sent to my friend Debbie at Starbucks. We rewrote it and put it up on Monster. We looked at houses in Gig Harbor with a friend of theirs who is a real-estate agent. The first one was the best and we might have pursued it further since it had a studio. The studio did not have a bathroom and the house needed work so we went on looking. Every thing went down hill from there. We also went to granola restaurant called The Mandolin Cafe and listened to a singer song writer and we even played a couple of songs for Scott and Deb's anniversary. I go back to the doctor in the morning, physical therapy on Wednesday and it is about time to head south and talk about what opportunities are or are not available with the old ancient corporation. God bless..

January 12, 2006        It is almost more important how a person takes his fate than what it is. ( Thanks Dale)
Jump back on when you get bucked off. That's what they say about horse back riding. The same is true for anything. It is time to jump back on. I have been nursing myself back to health and I am sore. I need to see what is in store if I turn over some new stones and look down some new roads.
Josh and Christina left for California on Sunday. I don't expect to hear much from them and I am sure they are fine. I really would like some time to talk with Josh one on one. Christina's school will have them down there for a year and I believe that is probably where they will stay. When Liz moves out, which I am sure won't be that long from now, our options are pretty open. Sarah is planning to move somewhere sunny. Chani will probably be back in Alaska. Rob, who is a son to me, will still be here. Freedom said he was moving back here last trip, but this time he said he is never moving back because Natalie will never leave Arizona. The world moves on. At this point it is simply a question or two to answer. Where do we want to be? It is difficult to imagine being far from our friends and that has kept us here but we are now open again to new possibilities. We just need to focus on what they are. Here or some place else? What is our fate? Whatever it is I hope we take it good.

Chani and Kayden Chani is really taken with Kayden and he is taken with her. He just snuggles up to her and he laughs. He loves her multicolored hair and all the colors of her tattoos. She is like a big cartoon to him. He is pretty particular about who holds him but he gave Chani a big smile and went right to her. She was carrying him around this morning and he was practicing his new skill, blowing spit bubbles with his lips. He sounds like a little motor boat. Chani said "Man, he is such a joy giver." It is true that he brings so much joy to our little home. Happy New Year!



January 11, 2005     We are shaped and fashioned by what we love. Goethe.
What makes us tick? How do we keep on when we are out of gas? When we are troubled by pain, emotional or physical, what is the reason to go on trying, to go living. The people we love. We work, we play, we nurture, we fuss, we fight, we talk, we listen. We help each other grow. There is a lyric in one of my songs that asks "Am I the only one who ever feels this kind of doubt?" At times those kinds of feelings can put up a blinder to the wonderful things in life. The people who love us and need us. The healing that needs to take place in the hearts of so many of us wounded as children and who are now reeking, or in the past have reeked havoc on our adult lives. I have maintained noble silence at times when others have told the one of two sides of a story. Now I am being encouraged to tell some of the things I have held inside that might put me in a little better light. I am reluctant. But perhaps it would help someone else heal. I have had situations at work where I have written letters of recommendation and heralded the praises of other workers who were belittling me to the higher ups at the same time. We both had their advancement in mind from different perspectives. Now I am thinking of the power of love and the power of looking inside for answers and at the same time needing something more. It is so easy for me to pray for others: for Rosemary, Debra, Maria, Joshua, Kate and anyone else but me. I wonder why that is? I wonder why? In the end I know it will all turn out because love will see us through.

Kayden and Jimmy January 10, 2006
Make the most of every moment you have for do not know how many there are, only that they are finite, Make each one count.
Chani unflinchingly drove me to and from the doctor as I cannot drive or operate machinery on this medication. We had a nice visit and reminisced about skiing and talked of her love of the snow. Her grandmother Rosemary still has a long medical ordeal ahead of her so we would all appreciate your continued prayers. The prayers have really helped so far.
Jimmy Culler stopped by last night to visit. We haven't seen him much as he has been spending quality time with his son Jameson. He is one fellow who gets the most out of life. He, Mike Daily and Jimmy Wright have a nice trio going and they are having a blast. I hope to make some cameo appearances with them at a few of their shows.
Kayden is sleeping in my arm and holding my thumb in his hand. Last night he was ready for a bottle and a bit fussy when Jimmy showed up. He saw him, held out his arms and Jimmy took him. Kayden put his little arms around Jimmy and laid his head on his chest and was content to stay there. What joy they bring us, these little ones.

January 9, 2006
 Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams: Who looks inside, awakens. Carl Jung
Up and at 'em this morning going to the Radiology Clinic for an MRI. I think the stone passed out in bits at the end of the week and over the weekend. Three trips to the Chiropractor gave me the first relief from back spasms just today. I have been having to walk with a cane and ingesting pain and spasm medication. Enough. Now 3 weeks of physical therapy.
  My birthday was on par with my 50th and maybe even better in a different way because it was at Rob's home and not in some bar. All the "kids" were there and that was the best present I could have ever hoped for anyway. Both Kayden and Saria were there too. To top it off Freedom told us that he and Natalie were going to have our third grand child this year. Chani and Sarah both looked at Andie and said "Don't even think about it. We are not having any kids." I think the only answer is for us to either foster parent or open a daycare for tiny tots and infants. First we will have to find more suitable dwellings.
The birthday was great and brought together a wide spectrum of friends and family. Mike and April made and appearance. Jason, Blu, Chris, Rebel were introduced to lots of new people. Chris broke out a bottle of Millennium Wine from Columbia winery that is so wonderful and he gave me a bottle of Peninsula, my favorite red wine. Dale and Kathy came and both groups stayed for the long hall. Freedom, Rob, Josh, Sarah, Mish, Joules and even me all sang way into the night and early morning. It was great to see Joules. It was heavy on my heart to see her having to struggle with health issues that have worn on her body but not her spirit. We compared walking sticks. Chuck-O, the gatherer of stones and natural incense wood from Peru, even made it. So did Steven from the original Freedom Tribe. He wrote one of my favorite tunes in the world, Time Goes By. I love to watch Freedom pour out his soul and to look around and see all those people, Clarity, Tanni, Christina, and so many more all singing their hearts out with him and putting the power of their spirits to his words. I love seeing Josh playing right along to the tunes. Sarah Maria sang a tune or two with me and then played one of Freedom's songs to him. He was deeply moved.
  Dale and Kathy gave me a DVD of James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Neil Young from 1971 in a live BBC Concert TV show. I watched JT 3 times, once was enough for Cat and Neil. They were more painful to hear in that their performances were far from stellar. JT shined though.
  I am so thankful for all the people who shared the evening with me, for the gifts and cakes and food and wine and most of all their presence. Time together is the best of all. You are greatly loved. God bless you all..
   Our Sunday dinner with Andie, Faith and I was very peaceful and enjoyable too. Home fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy corn and biscuits. I thought I was a boy back in Georgia in a good way.

January 7, 2006
   I am listening to the iPod Andie got me for Christmas and becoming familiar with John Mayer. Wow. Listening to new music is pretty humbling. I am thinking and feeling my way into some new tunes but it seems painfully slow. I don't know why. Anyway, Chani left me a lovely homemade card this morning and reminded me of our trips across country to Florida, The Big Red Boat and other memories that are among my most happy. We did have some real adventures. She grew up good.
   It was another long night for Andie as Kayden doesn't seem to like sleeping anymore. He is the same this morning. So much anger when it comes to nap time. I have flash forwards to 14 and 15 and want to run towards the horizon. Life, the cycle and saga continues for each of us on our separate timed paths. At the final curtain we can hope for less regrets than satisfaction. I believe we are our own judges and we are building our after lives with the beliefs we acquire while on this plane. We create what we want as Phil Randoy told me last night. I had mentioned that I could find a pile of poop at the rainbow's end. I have a high tolerance for pain and muck. I let myself be stuck when all I have to do is arise and move a bit and it will all be better, or at least different. Different is good.
   I am looking forward to seeing family and friends today.
January 6, 2006
Rob and Freedom fly in tonight and will be playing at a Thai Restaurant on Queen Anne Hill. I don't know the name and would like to see the show but I haven't really ventured out in some time. I think I may be on the mend. I visited Dr. Jim Burton three times this week. He is old school Palmer Chiropractic. Hurts like hell but aligns things that haven't been in place in years. This morning he got two really misaligned vertebrae to pop back in and this is the least amount of pain I have had since I started this whole ordeal. Yea. Andie is snuggled on the couch with Kayden. He has had a really high fever but seems to be kicking it out with the help of silver water. He hasn't been sick since birth and he has been exposed to a ton of stuff. The silver water knocks it out before it gets started. That is it. I am looking forward to seeing family and friends tomorrow evening to celebrate life, the births of Rob, Freedom, me and everyone else as well. I wish I was for sure about time and place. Jason, Blu, Kathy, Dale, Ronnie, Jimmy, Mike & April and anyone else who wants to visit and listen to the boys play some tunes, we can always hook up here and go over to Rob's if that is what we are doing. Since I won't be able to stay awake long enough tonight to talk to them I will let you know tomorrow. If all goes well it will be the first time all the kids are together with me in one place at one time in a very long long time. I hope it happens.

January 3, 2006
   Still unable to move much due to the spasms in my back. What the heck? This is getting ridiculous. I have to cancel another weekend of playing and I have been unable to drive to work for days. I am seeing Dr. Jim Burton and it seems to help although I had a spasm on the way to the car this morning after treatment. New is MRI and physical therapy. It came from working bent over a table doing manual labor for a month. Not what I was meant to be doing. Katie came by for some CD labels yesterday. She was making $7000 a month working for an RV place until the gas prices put her out of business. Gas is a concern for all of us isn't it. At least we know we are lining the pockets of Bush and his buddies each time we fill it up. Our country may be bankrupt by the time he leaves office but he and his pals will be laughing all the way to their banks. Give us peace on earth. Peace.

January 2, 2006    Love can make a ripple that spreads around the world spilling grace every where it goes.
  It is a quiet night around the home front with Andie playing Spite and Malice on the Internet, Chani and Liz visiting with each other, me going painfully through my last solo performance at Provinces. Tape does not lie. I could swear someone snuck into the computer and added 2 cups of suck to my performance. They even mysteriously untuned my guitar. That is a good reason to record because just when you think you were right on the play back says maybe it wasn't as groovy as you thought at the time. It is all about having fun and letting go. Don't bury your talents but build on them. I wish we could be working from home and doing what we love. Even though I have been sick, in pain and medicated, it sure has been nice to spend so much time with my family. Chani is whipping out the tattoos, setting goals and achieving them one at a time. Kayden still thinks she is the coolest. He had a rough go tonight we tried putting him down without his bottle and he threw a fit. He was so mad. I gave in because I said you can only hold him like this for a minute. Why leave him to cry when you could be snuggling with him. Maybe subconsciously he will remember the love when he is 15 and thinks we are dumb bunnies. Andie rocked him to sleep and that was better for all of us. You gotta love him.
   Chani says her grandmother Rosemary is doing better. Thank you all who offered and continue to offer up prayers, to my dad who can rally a chain of prayer warriors in a heart beat. He has helped save a lot of lives with his and his brothers and sisters faithful prayers. God bless you all in this new beginning, in this new year..

January 1, 2006
The new year, a time for rebirth and new hope. We face another year of our lives seeking peace, comfort and caring for each other. Chani seems very relaxed and Kayden loves her to pieces. She is kind and loving to him. Chani is going up to Anacortez to see her grand mother Rosemary. She is concerned about how she is doing, as we all are. My dad called and I asked him to put her on a prayer chain. I couldn't really talk much because my back is spasming. I am a hurting unit but it is a new day and new year.
Too much medication to make much sense so I am signing off for now.

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